Reflections
by obsessive-elphaba
Summary: Jesse reflects on his relationship with Rachel and knows that she'll be okay. St Berry with Finchel SPOILERS


Few spoilers up to 'Funk.' Let's pretend Carmel and Mckinley share a parking lot to make this story work, okay? That's not too hard.

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It was a bright and shiny day, but as Jesse St. James drove his Range Rover to Carmel High the sun only made his world more eerie. Regionals were in a few days, and he didn't know if he was ready to lead Vocal Adrenaline to victory as he had in years past. His life had revolved around theatre, and there were many extremes he had taken for this particular act. This act involved a certain Rachel Berry whom he had explicitly been told to use by his teacher Shelby Corcoran. Jesse didn't think his role was making sense anymore when a bulge started erupting in his stomach and Shelby seemed more focused on having her daughter find her instead.

Jesse couldn't stand that about his teacher. When he was told whom his fake girlfriend's mother was, it was undeniably obvious, yet he couldn't believe how bad a mother she was. What kind of mother tells a boy to use their daughter and break her heart? He'd most definitely kick any boy's butt if they hurt his daughter in any such way. Heh, for a second he picture his daughter looking exactly like Rachel. The Rachel he had finally betrayed at last. The girl would be blinded by heartbreak; he knew that much. She'd want him dead, but Jesse knew he'd be figured out once it happened. She wouldn't realise that in the background he'd begged to back out of his role and did whatever he could to cushion her heartache. He tried breaking up with her once before, and it certainly didn't cause her much pain.

This was different, and he knew it. He had tried to hurt her in the gentlest way possible. She'd probably be oblivious to the hurt in his eyes as he was forced by his so-called friends to pelt her with eggs - something he knew would scar her. He could hardly bare to watch and wished to avert his gaze from hers, but he didn't. He wanted her to see how much it hurt him to be mean, and the only way for her to do that was for her to stare into his eyes. Jesse knew she wouldn't see it the moment he ran away, for when he looked into Rachel's eyes he saw rage. The rage she had kept inside during that fierce moment could melt him, but it was blinding her from seeing into his soul.

It was his fault; Jesse blamed himself for everything he'd ever done. He had been sucked into the theatre world to a point where he could hurt his loved ones with no hesitation. His relationship with Rachel Berry was an act, but this was an act that complexed his life entirely. He had to change schools, make new friends, and all along not fall for this wonderful girl that was standing right before him. They say opposites attract, but he had just connected with Rachel so easily. He even admitted aloud that he liked her; there was even a really before the confession.

That was something else Rachel would never know. He had tried to back out of it, but he had been threatened. He'd lose his solo at Regionals which meant staying with Rachel would fracture his dream. His dream or his goal in life was very important to him. From the early years of his life, Jesse wanted to be a star. The way he saw it then was Rachel blocking his road to success; besides, he wasn't even supposed to like the brunette. He didn't realise that having the same goal meant they could work entirely together on that goal and never stop for anything.

Jesse looked across the fence to where Rachel was getting out of her Dads' car and blew them both kisses goodbye; seeing her face made that depressing sun seem a little more refreshing. She had a smile on her face as if she had already gotten over him. He honestly believed she had.

The football playing jock Finn came up and said hello to her; she responded chirpily. Hello… that was another thing shed probably soon forget in their false relationship. However, that was real; he really wanted to sing with the beautiful girl in the library. They were a perfect celebrity couple: lead singer in New Directions and the lead in Vocal Adrenaline. He could imagine she sounded good. She had known who he was as well. Their voices mixed together, but she was not only beautiful but also cute. He'd gotten all this from singing in the library, and that wasn't fake.

Finn said something, and she laughed. That made the star to be boy almost break the handle off his car door. The jock had always been out for his girl since the beginning. Rachel sure did talk about him a lot as if she was only dating dear old Jesse St. James to make him jealous. He felt something with Rachel despite the fact he was told to use her, but he never stopped to wonder what she thought of him. Could it be that she was using him for a little drama in her relationship as well? Could she have seen everything coming and falling in place. All along could she have known how their relationship would unfold and use the events in favor of gaining more respect from Finn? She did manage to schedule their breakup before he was going out of town for a spring break concert with Vocal Adrenaline; who knows what they could've accomplished while he was away.

Rachel probably knew things weren't okay anyway after comparing normal Jesse with robot Jesse. Normal Jesse had shared an eye sparkle and smile with his fast friend Rachel Berry. Robot Jesse was to do only what she pleased despite how much of a pushover he seemed to be at that time. Normal Jesse was kindly pushing her to listen to one of his favourite songs. Robot Jesse wasn't as demanding as he was flattering. Despite how great an actress he is, there was an obvious difference between himself and his acting.

The role was quite personal, too. He actually got to share very heartwarming moments with Rachel - finding her mother was the biggest one. When he found out whom it was, it took all his will power not to drag his good old director Miss Shelby Corcoran into Rachel's house, and he begged his fake girlfriend to listen to the tape - in the end forcing her to. He'll have to remain with her with that… even if her mother doesn't care in the slightest if his entire choir hurt her little baby Rachel.

He was almost her first time, but Jesse was so relieved now that she had stayed in the bathroom. He remembered the night perfectly. Rachel kept running to the restroom to prepare herself before they could even get started, and they ended up just singing the entire night. When she finally fell asleep on the bathroom floor, he gently carried her to her bed, tucked her in, and sneaked out her house. Though they never got down to doing anything, he was amazed at how incredible the night turned out. He couldn't see her, but he could feel her. That moment would probably fade in her memory through time, but it could always bring a tug of a smile on his face.

He even smiled when he saw her with Finn. Despite the plan being to break her heart, Jesse was relieved to know there was another boy out there to ease her pain. Rachel probably knew all along, come to think about it. Miss Shelby had told him that Rachel sneaks into the practices. She could easily see him report every single precious moment they ever shared from the balcony, and of course he'd get smacked on the forehead for going off like a loony in love. Rachel looked up from her laughing fit with the jock and caught his eye. He nodded toward Finn and gave a genuine smile; Jesse hoped it came off that way at least. Rachel only glared at him, but he was still in a decent mood. It sucked to have lost the girl and hurt her much more than just a break up, but he was never happier to know she had a back up boyfriend. The Carmel star slung his bag over his shoulder and walked inside. Rachel would get over him in a flash, and he'd always be grateful to have spent even a few moments with her.

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So this is what I think Jesse's thinking at this point. Tell me what you think. About the story, about Jesse, about St Berry, about Glee in general. Who's going to win Regionals? Who do you want to win Regionals? Anyway, see ya!


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